New Report Finds Most Effective Way to Run Well and Recover Quickly Is to Be 20 Years Old
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A new report has determined that the best way for runners to achieve and maintain fitness and to recover quickly from hard efforts is to be 20 years old, Dumb Runner has learned.
The report, which surveyed 3,890 runners of all ages, appears in this week’s issue of The Journal of Totally Real Scientific Findings.
“After scrutinizing decades of research and tracking nearly 4,000 runners over 12 months, recording and analyzing their training and racing data,” the report says, “we have come to the inescapable conclusion that the best method for attaining top physical form is to be 20 years of age.”
The report goes on to say that the same guidance applies to runners wishing to recover quickly and completely from intense efforts such as hard workouts or races.
Compared with subjects in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond, the report says, 20-year-old runners showed “remarkable resiliency” and an “almost mystical ability to run and race well despite some questionable lifestyle choices that would make a good performance impossible for older subjects.”
Those choices, the report says, include things like poor diets, lack of sleep, and what it called “regular partying.” To illustrate this contrast, researchers described two of their subjects.
One, a 49-year-old man identified as Doug, has watched his pace decline over the years, despite regular training; often “hits the wall,” during long runs, despite a careful fueling strategy; and diligently stretches after each run, a practice that hasn’t prevented him from suffering regular injuries.
“At one point, Doug pulled a muscle in his back just getting up out of a chair,” the report says. “He’s still not sure how that happened.”
Conversely, a 20-year-old subject, Ella, routinely stays out till 1:00 or 2:00 a.m., then wakes as early as 7:00 the next morning for a long run, often hung over, fueling with nothing but coffee and a doughnut.
Recently, the report noted, Ella entered a half-marathon “on a whim, at the last minute,” and finished in 1 hour 46 minutes, celebrating that night by going out dancing with friends.
“Our advice to runners is clear,” the report concludes. “If you want to run well and recover quickly, be 20 years old.”
