Running Through Cemetery Prompts Local Man to Ponder Ephemeral Nature of Human Existence and Also How Wild It Would Be If Zombies Emerged From Graves and Chased Him
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A local runner’s route this morning took him through a cemetery, prompting him to reflect on the fleeting nature of his own existence and the fragility of life in general, Dumb Runner has learned.
The runner, identified as John Carpenter, 52, also imagined what it would be like if the hundreds of corpses in the cemetery suddenly became reanimated, clawing their way out of the ground and chasing him.
Carpenter’s mood shifted soon after entering the cemetery around three miles into a five-mile run, as his thoughts turned from the mundane (what he might have for dinner, various work projects, reminding himself to renew his driver’s license soon) to the profound (this place is full of people who once, just like me, were full of life, full of hopes and dreams and fears, who loved and grieved, who perhaps never truly realized just how short and precious life is until it was too late).
Moments later, his thoughts turned again, this time to the buried bodies themselves as he imagined them rising en masse, in various states of decay, moaning and stumbling toward him.
“That would be crazy,” Carpenter thought. “Most of these folks must be pretty ripe by now. Worms in their eye sockets and stuff.”
Carpenter soon concluded that the zombie-like creatures would move slowly enough for him to easily escape, even if he paused to record a video.
Exiting the cemetery a minute or so later, Carpenter wondered how many views such a video might get online, then made another mental note to make an appointment at the DMV.
