Family on Sidewalk Forms Impenetrable Wall of Flesh
/
istockphoto.com
A family walked five abreast on a local sidewalk today, holding hands, forming a veritable wall of human flesh and showing no signs of yielding to oncoming pedestrians.
The unidentified quintet consisted of an adult male, an adult female, and three young children. The adult male, broad-shouldered and nearly six feet tall, formed the wall’s centerpiece; two family members formed his left and right flanks, stretching nearly the full width of the sidewalk.
A series of walkers and runners approached the family, sources told Dumb Runner, expecting them to move aside and allow safe passage. That did not happen. Instead, the sources said, the five seemed to tighten their grips on one another’s hands, staring straight ahead as they continued their implacable march forward.
“What the hell?” local runner Robert Geldof muttered when he encountered the family on the sidewalk. “Hello?”
“Can you just…?” Geldof said, using his right hand to make the gesture universally known as the “scooch over.”
The gesture went unnoticed.
Geldof said he slowed as he neared the living, breathing barrier, giving the adults time to cluster the children near them or perhaps walk single file until he passed. As the distance closed, however, it became apparent that the family had no intention of moving.
“It was like a game of chicken,” he said. “Finally, I jumped up into some bushes to wait until they got past me.”
The family never made eye contact with Geldof, or otherwise acknowledged his presence. As they continued down the sidewalk, they soon met a woman out walking her dog.
“What the fuck?” she said.
At last report, the family was still walking.
