Local Runner Bluffs Way Through 10-Minute Conversation on Olympic Marathon Trials
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A local runner this morning dodged, mumbled, and otherwise faked his way through a subject he knew nothing about, Dumb Runner has learned—namely, this weekend’s U.S. Olympic Marathon Trials.
Bert Lahr, 34, was cooling down after a run with two friends when their discussion turned to the Trials, happening Saturday in Atlanta. More than 700 runners will compete; the top three men and top three women will represent the United States in this year’s Olympic marathon in Tokyo.
While Lahr is vaguely familiar with the Trials—he’d seen references to it on social media—he has never been sure exactly how it works, struggles to recall the names of the favorites, and has always been too embarrassed to ask why the event is called “Trials” instead of “Trial.”
Despite this handicap, a source said, Lahr joined in his friends’ banter for nearly 10 minutes, never betraying his ignorance.
“Yeah, I like his chances, too,” he said at one point, referring to Jim Walmsley but not referring to him by name because he suddenly couldn’t remember if it was Walmsley or Wamley. “You never know with that guy.”
He later chimed in to say, “Oh, you’ve gotta have an OTQ, no question.”
Lahr does not know what OTQ stands for.
Much of Lahr’s contribution consisted of noncommittal hmm’s and oh yeah’s, earnest head-nodding, and redirection in the form of questions.
Asked for his “top three,” meaning his favorites to win on the men’s and women’s sides, Lahr didn’t miss a beat.
“Ah, man,” he said. “At this point? I think it’s anybody’s race. Honestly, it’s going to depend on who wants it most, who has a good day, and who wants it most.”
The second “who wants it most” was said in error, but Lahr recovered quickly, laughing it off as a joke. He then pivoted to commenting on the “super deep field.”
At another point in the conversation, Lahr referred to the Trials as a “time trial,” but neither of his friends noticed.
Lahr excused himself and jogged away just as talk turned to Nike’s Alphafly shoes.
